Skip to content

← Home
Psychology

Why their success feels like failure

The silver medallist's face · 18 min

In Sydney in 2000, Paul Tergat lost Olympic gold to Haile Gebrselassie by nine hundredths of a second, and years later said it had been hard to accept. Then psychologists looked at medallists' faces and found that bronze winners looked happier than silver. Why someone else's success stings, what decides how much, and three lines to say to yourself the next time a friend's good news lands.

Takeaways

  • In the men's ten thousand metres at the Sydney Olympics in two thousand, Paul Tergat lost gold by nine hundredths of a second. Years later he said it was hard to accept, and that after it he became a better person and a better athlete. The two are not a contradiction.
  • People who rated the faces of medallists at the nineteen ninety-two Olympics found bronze medallists looked happier than silver medallists, and a check of four hundred and thirteen medallists from five later Games found the same. The pain is not the size of the gap. Three things decide it: who you compare yourself with, what you expected, and whether you can still reach it.
  • Something to try: when someone's good news stings, say three lines to yourself: the fact, the meaning you added, and one next step that serves what you actually want.

Chapters

  1. Nine hundredths of a second0:18
  2. The bronze medallist's smile2:15
  3. Three things that decide4:38
  4. Same news, different race6:35
  5. Hear it done8:53
  6. Build yours10:29
  7. The answer12:26

References

  1. Landells, S. — My greatest challenge – Paul Tergat (World Athletics)(2017)
  2. Johnson, L. — Gebrselassie vs Tergat in Sydney: a race about (almost) nothing (World Athletics Heritage)(2021)
  3. Medvec, V. H., Madey, S. F., & Gilovich, T. — When less is more: Counterfactual thinking and satisfaction among Olympic medalists(1995)
  4. Hedgcock, W. M., Luangrath, A. W., & Webster, R. — Counterfactual thinking and facial expressions among Olympic medalists: A conceptual replication of Medvec, Madey, and Gilovich's (1995) findings(2021)
  5. McGraw, A. P., Mellers, B. A., & Tetlock, P. E. — Expectations and emotions of Olympic athletes(2005)
  6. Gerber, J. P., Wheeler, L., & Suls, J. — A social comparison theory meta-analysis 60+ years on(2018)
  7. Tesser, A., Millar, M., & Moore, J. — Some affective consequences of social comparison and reflection processes: The pain and pleasure of being close(1988)
  8. Lockwood, P., & Kunda, Z. — Superstars and me: Predicting the impact of role models on the self(1997)
  9. van de Ven, N., Zeelenberg, M., & Pieters, R. — Leveling up and down: The experiences of benign and malicious envy(2009)
  10. Cohen-Charash, Y., & Larson, E. C. — An emotion divided: Studying envy is better than studying "benign" and "malicious" envy(2017)
  11. Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. — Self-compassion increases self-improvement motivation(2012)
  12. O'Toole, G. (Quote Investigator) — Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies(2014)
  13. Wikipedia — Paul Tergat