In the 2017 US Open final, Sloane Stephens beat her close friend Madison Keys, six-three, six-love. Then the winner sat down in the chair next to the loser, and said she wished it could have been a draw. Keys said she was really sad for herself and so happy for her friend. Why mixed feelings are real, why how we answer good news matters, and how to give someone's win its moment while taking your own loss seriously.
Takeaways
- In the 2017 US Open final, Sloane Stephens beat her close friend Madison Keys, six-three, six-love. Afterwards Stephens sat down next to her, and said she wished it could have been a draw. Keys said: "I'm really sad for me, but I'm so happy for her."
- Mixed feelings are real. On graduation day and on the day students moved out of their rooms, about half the people in one study felt happy and sad at the same time. Being happy for someone does not make your own sadness fake.
- Something to try: when someone you care about gets the thing you wanted, give them one true sentence about their news, and give your loss its own time, later, somewhere else. Don't let your loss turn their news into a verdict on you.
Chapters
- Two chairs0:17
- Pick one feeling1:59
- Two true things3:56
- Same news, different lives5:55
- Hear it done7:28
- Build yours9:08
- The answer10:56
References
- WTA Staff — Sloane Stephens wins 2017 US Open in stellar display(2017)
- WTA Staff — Madison Keys: 'I'm still walking out of here with a big smile on my face'(2017)
- Fendrich, H. (Associated Press) — Stephens tops Keys in US Open final for 1st Grand Slam title(2017)
- Schlecht, N. (USTA) — Stephens wins US Open over Keys in all-American final(2017)
- Harwitt, S. (USA Today, via CNBC) — Sloane Stephens dominates Madison Keys to win first U.S. Open title(2017)
- AFP (via The Daily Star) — I wish it could have been a draw(2017)
- Guinness World Records — Lowest-ranked player to win the US Open (Open Era)
- WTA Staff — Keys edges Sabalenka in Australian Open final thriller for first Slam title(2025)
- Larsen, J. T., McGraw, A. P., & Cacioppo, J. T. — Can people feel happy and sad at the same time? (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 81(4))(2001)
- Berrios, R., Totterdell, P., & Kellett, S. — Eliciting mixed emotions: a meta-analysis comparing models, types, and measures (Frontiers in Psychology 6)(2015)
- Gable, S. L., Reis, H. T., Impett, E. A., & Asher, E. R. — What do you do when things go right? The intrapersonal and interpersonal benefits of sharing positive events (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 87(2))(2004)
- Gable, S. L., Gonzaga, G. C., & Strachman, A. — Will you be there for me when things go right? Supportive responses to positive event disclosures (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 91(5))(2006)
- De Netto, P. M., Quek, K. F., & Golden, K. J. — Communication, the heart of a relationship: Examining capitalization, accommodation, and self-construal on relationship satisfaction (Frontiers in Psychology 12)(2021)